The weather is starting to heat up and undoubtedly. you’re psyched because you think that Summer season is also “women-wearing-less-clothing season!”
Thank you for your kind thoughts, but the feeling is not mutual. In fact, I, along with many other women, know that summer brings out some of spring’s worst offenders: unkempt male feet.
Let’s face it, feet are probably the most universally offensive part of the human body and men are generally shameless about theirs (apologies to the foot fetish crowd, I know you’re out there and I’m not judging but I just don’t get it).
Are your toenails long enough to justify an arrest for weapon’s possession? A pedicurist will neatly trim those blades just enough so it’s not obvious that you spent your afternoon at the beauty parlor. She’ll also exfoliate your feet to minimize those hideous calluses that I have nightmares about. Take your filthy foot dandruff to some other chick’s bed—I’m a lady for f$%&’s sake! And you might even have to do some landscaping on those toes.
Women take great measures to make sure that their feet look good. I’ve had several conversations with men and women alike; they all agree that when a woman is so much as missing toe polish—never mind the atrocities I mentioned above—it is perceived as skanky, unsightly and just plain gross. So we spend about $40 a month to make sure that our tootsies are cute enough so you think of them as little piggies and not bulging hogs (like yours).
A pedicure is not manly? Tell that to the troves of Iraqi war veterans who, according to a 2009 article in the Washington Post, were said to be “lined up to get manis and pedis. Just because you’re deployed doesn’t mean you have to look like a ragbag.”
If that’s not convincing, I spoke with some close female friends. Just about all of them decided not to sleep with a man after seeing their feet.
Look, we’re not asking you to soak your feet in rose water and paint your toenails red. Just go clean those man hooves and get a pedicure before you put on those flip flops.