For the road-weary traveler, be he the daily commuter, the family-man vacationer or the cross-country trucker, road signs are too often harbingers of gloom. Despair, however, is in the eyes of the beholder. If you really think about it, your fertile imagination will put these signs to good use. Here are some examples:
SLIPPERY WHEN WET: The perfect subliminal conditioner. Take that hot co-worker along on your next business meeting, pretend to get lost and circle back around this sign time and time again. She will soon say to heck with the meeting and suggest a tryst at the nearest Red Roof Inn.
NO STANDING ANY TIME: The perfect way to test your manliness. Making sure no police are in view, ease the car into the spot and put the car in park. There! You’re a hardcore criminal undermining the delicate societal moral fabric. Want to escalate the terror? Turn the ignition off.
FALLING ROCK ZONE: After 150 miles of her jabbering at you about how you will be late for her cousin Ethel’s wedding rehearsal dinner, make a peace offering in the form of a little roadside picnic. Once she’s comfortable, tell her you are wandering off to make a No. 1. Climb the hill, find a loose rock and…
CEMETERY ENTRANCE: After failing to receive that promotion or bonus you were promised; take your boss out to lunch and stop along the way in front of this sign, telling him it is the ideal place to talk about what is on your mind. He will get the message, especially if you pull out hedge clippers and wonder aloud what other uses they have.
NEXT EXIT 25 MILES: The perfect sign to foster self-awareness. Think about the importance of this message as you pass the current exit, after having just washed down the last bite of your bran muffin with your extra-large, espresso-laced coffee.