Politics Made Easy

Politics Made Easy

Being a politician is tough. It’s not easy to obfuscate issues, divert attention from them and trumpet cockamamie claptrap to make sure your real message is not heard. I’m here to simplify liberal and conservative positions on some of the weighty issues of the day:

 

WORKFARE
rachel maddowLIBERAL: “People are degraded by having to clean streets to get welfare checks.”

 

 

hannity-150x150CONSERVATIVE: “People are empowered by having to clean streets to get welfare checks.”

 

 

HEALTHCARE
obamaLIBERAL: “You can keep your health insurance, Period. All of you not named ‘Period’ are on your own.”

 

cruzCONSERVATIVE: “People who can’t afford to be sick should stay healthy.”

 

 

 

SCHOOL PRAYER
pelosiLIBERAL: “Atheist children suffer trauma having to say ‘under God’ in the Pledge of Allegiance.”

 

boehnerCONSERVATIVE: “Heathens don’t belong in our public schools.”

 

 


FOREIGN AID
michael moore

LIBERAL: “If we give more aid to countries who hate us, they would hate us less.”

 


rush_limbaugh_smokeCONSERVATIVE: “We shouldn’t spend money on foreigners who hate us when we can not spend it on those who need it right here at home.”

 


FOREIGN LABOR
al gore
LIBERAL: “American businesses must not hire abroad when they can pay obscenely excessive compensation packages to unskilled, unmotivated, unionized workers right here at home.”

 

cheneyCONSERVATIVE: “American businesses stimulate foreign economies and create needed jobs by paying children slave wages.”

 


THE U.S. CONSTITUTION
sontamayorLIBERAL: “The U.S. Constitution is supposed to be flexible to meet modern times, provided that we are the ones doing the flexing.”

 

clarence thomasCONSERVATIVE: “The U.S. Constitution is supposed to be rigid and inflexible, so that we can continue to live in 1787, um; except it’s okay to have an amendment outlawing gay marriage.”

 

Disclaimer: Any dissimilarity of the liberals and conservatives portrayed above to those in real life is purely unintentional and inaccurate.

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