The government shutdown had us all in a tizzy, worried to distraction that nobody would be around to receive our 2013 estimated tax payments. With the crisis averted, we can all now breathe again and digest 10 little known, amazing facts about this most recent government interruption:
1. Government worker productivity during the shutdown increased by 72%—84% not counting Fridays.
2. Government officials of both parties realized that sitting around all day doing absolutely nothing to help the American people is hard work; who can possibly be that useless for so long and not grow tired? It was high time politicians thought of themselves first.
3. With the eyes of the nation on them during the crisis, Senatorial and Representative marital infidelity decreased by a whopping .0002%. Deviant sex remained the same.
4. With time on their hands and nothing to do, 16% of the legislators actually read the last three newsletters they sent to their constituents.
5. For 2% of us, life did not change. For the other 98%, it got better.
6. Scientific research proved that Ted Cruz and Harry Reid are definitely human beings, not a Vulcan and a gnome, respectively.
7. All GOP members signed up for the course: “How to get President Obama to the Negotiating Table” given by Syria, Russia and Iran.
8. 73% of the public disapproved of the mean-spirited name-calling between the parties. Instead, they longed for the days of the 1990s shutdown when the hatred between Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich was never spoken, but just below the surface—creating more dramatic tension. Those were the days.
9. When polled, the public said what they will most about the shutdown is the constant site of countdown clocks on every station on the tube. But these same people are thrilled that these clocks will reappear in January when we go through this again.
10. We all learned that the more things change, the more they remain the same.