10 Disorders, Diseases and Syndromes to Avoid at All Costs

10 Disorders, Diseases and Syndromes to Avoid at All Costs

There are plenty of disorders, diseases and syndromes that you are all familiar with that we cannot eradicate soon enough. But there are also other horrible, non-fatal, incurable ailments that you’ve likely never heard of. These condemn the afflicted to a lifetime of unhappiness causing them to be scorned by the rest of society while they endure unending doses of public humiliation. Here they are:

 

Miley-dope

MILEY CYRUS SELF-LOATHING SYNDROME
Found exclusively among young women, this disease morphs talented, reasonably wholesome girls into ten-dollar streetwalkers—with even sluttier attire.

 

 

 

Bob FilnerBOB FILNER IDENTITY THEFT SYNDROME
Makes men with nothing to gain and everything to lose act like every woman’s boobs and butt are his personal property.

 

 

 

Dianne-York-bob fillnerBOB FILNER ADULT ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER
Makes women who are desperate for attention want to be the object of desire of men with Bob Filner Identity Theft Syndrome.

 

 

 

Trebek-AALEX TREBEK INFLATED EGO DISEASE
Takes people who actually don’t know the answer to every goddamn trivia question ever asked and makes them act like they do.

 

 

 

rosie-o-donnellROSIE O’DONNELL MAD COW DISEASE
Causes the victim to blather uncontrollably and with venom about things she knows nothing about. In extreme cases, people actually begin to look like the cow, er, person, after whom the disease is named.

 

 

 

dimonCEO DENIAL DISORDER
Common to investment bank chief executives like Lloyd Blankfein, Jamie Dimon and Dick Fuld, this unfortunate ailment prevents the individual from detecting that both he and his sh*t do, in fact, stink.

 

 

 

bonoCHAZ BONO “MEMBER” ENVY SYNDROME
Afflicts mostly men with low self-esteem who take pills guaranteed to make “it” grow, leaving them depressed when they are still six inches short of target length.

 

 

 

WEINER-SPITZERPOLITICAL NARCISSIST REINCARNATION DELUSION SYNDROME
Makes rightfully disgraced politicians like Elliot Spitzer and Anthony Weiner believe that they should have the privilege of being reelected to public office. For unknown reasons, this debilitating illness seems to be an epidemic in New York State.

 

 

kim-kardashianKIM KARDASHIAN DISORIENTATION DISORDER
Causes internal confusion in the brain that leaves a person mistaking her head for her ass and vice versa—with obvious, unsettling consequences 30 minutes after she eats a plate of greasy Mexican food.

 

 

 

matt-lauerMATT LAUER SELF-IMPORTANCE SYNDROME
Makes below average hacks who get lucky enough to land a gig targeted towards housewives think they are Walter Cronkite reporting the assassination of a president.

 

2 Responses to 10 Disorders, Diseases and Syndromes to Avoid at All Costs

  1. Ben says:

    What an assortment of knuckleheads and losers!

  2. Marc Roberts says:

    Ben, I sincerely hope you are referring to the people after whom these afflictions are named, and not DailyMan Staff. (Insert laugh here.). Thanks for writing, and keep the comments coming. Since North Korea has quieted a bit, it gets pretty boring here at NORAD.